It was a tired I never knew. A weariness that was so powerfully exhausting. I wondered how I was going to do this life. I had cried out for God to spare me, spare my family, my precious children from this. It was over. We were over.


I was living a lie. I believed in an A+B=C relationship with God.

A= I do good, follow the rules. Be a good dad, hard worker, and do the right things.

B= God does his role, I am good so he is good back to me

C= a good life. No major crisis or pain.

For the last 5 years, we’d experienced financial devastation, sexual assault, major medical  issues and thier major bills that follow, and emotional turmoil as a result of these things seemingly happening one after the other.

According to my formula, I was doing “A” but “c” the good easy life wasn’t happening, so that left my mind to believe that “B” was what was messed up.  I was following the rules. But crisis after crisis continued. So I checked out and decided listening to God wasn’t worth it.

Abbe: I knew something was wrong. He was distant. I felt like I no longer could connect or see light in his eyes. It was the eve of a painful anniversary. I hated writing that date down. I couldn’t sleep. Surely the unsettling feeling was the day that we hated to recall. Someone hurt our child, and nothing was done about it. So I prayed, the only thing I know to do when pain like that rears its ugly head. “I bet this anniversary is hard on him. That’s why he’s so distant.” I reasoned.

Go check his phone.

What? I questioned that I was hearing God so audibly.

“Just help him. Show him your love, God.”

God answered my prayer. Immediately. And I checked his phone. God showed my husband his love, by using me to bring his darkness into light.

And it tore me apart.  We separated.

Then on a Sunday, I dragged myself to a new church I had been visiting, Journey the Way. Adam showed up too. I could hardly sit by him. Broken, torn to pieces we heard the gospel. In a way our whole Christian lives had never experienced.

We were done. But God was not.

Welcome to our story. A story that will be penned over time here, on this blog. When Our Repurposed Life was started, we had NO idea how true that title would become to us. A few months ago, Pastor Chad preached on Grace. And by that Grace we shared what the past year looked like for us. We are scared. But it’s a holy, God appointed scared. I know someone needs to know that even though you are done, God is not.

A=Me sinner.

B= Christ grace

C= grace upon grace upon grace

the truth is setting us free.

Dollfamily5@gmail.com if you would like to comment privately.


One thought on “Unraveled

  1. Thank you for sharing your story Abbe. It’s crazy how you look at people and just assume their lives are perfect, while your own feels like it’s falling apart. It takes true courage and vulnerability to share your trials but you are helping people see how Christ can and does make all things new and beautiful!! I feel honored to have several of your pieces in my home and now when I look at them, I am reminded of how we too are new creations!

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